Phantasm

My ambivalence towards separation is unambiguous. One by one, our bonds are severed with no mercy because this is the real life. When all of us are segregated, the common link between us has faded more and more. No more mutual topic and understanding. Every congregation is chockablock with uncertain awkwardness. Notwithstanding, it is the time to evaluate myself the second time on my adapting prowess. The first transition from primary to secondary requires me a presemester test and three months to gather a group. I wonder how long does it takes this time. I hope I am not in the state of catatonia or emotional breakdown until then. The phantasm is persistent. The emergent deployment of multi-faceted solution left is to peel off my self-conscience bit by bit. The sole thorn encumbering my path is the trepidation that depredates on my chutzpah. The time has arrived for me to be self-indulgent and become a dissolute wastrel to boost my immunity towards the deprecation of peers. No longer ...

Everything happens for a reason. That's what my friend advises me. My initial dismissal regarding this aleatoric element was proven unfounded at the end of the day. The corollary to the loss of something deserved is gaining a much more rewarding windfall. The recent documentary which I favor, "Asia's Most Deadliest Snakes" just proves how lucky I am. The scene of snakebites from India is horrifying especially a victim's leg that is still pitch black even after two months. These stealth assassins often wanders into homes and is very grumpy. I don't want to be right there. The onset of my medical abecedarian life shall commence in less than a month period. Although this lucrative offer detracts from my original path, it has given me much more gratifying outcomes than I anticipated. Besides located in an asphalt jungle, it also houses many of my known mates, a theme park and a wonderful residence. The acme of this MBBS is the opportunity to complete my final year...

Every teardrop of heaven is a waterfall. The torrential tune of sorrow exuding from the depth of heaven is dampening and nondescript. The week-long guest in the form of heavenly blessing shower creates a moment of stillness, emptiness and coolness. A impeccable period to lick the wounds and pacify any unfavourable emotions. The best way to conquer stress is to face our surreptitious fear. After hours of meditation, I can finally acknowledge my insecurity of fate. Perhaps my cowardice has led me to fear the lucky ones. The imminent hazard to be ostracized. The malevolent future of being the second class. Yes, my phobia has triggered my phantasmagoria into a monster. Hope is the tenacious thread that I can hinge upon through any muddles. There was a novel which I read that pose a challenge to the journeymen that wish to enter the kingdom of bliss. When asked about the most prudential aspect of life, one answered," Love." He was turned away to ascertain another gate. The second ...

This is the story of us. The scholarship drop-outs. It has been exhilarating last few days. Imagine being the victim of the tug-of-war between two opposing forces and receive points for the multitude of negative comments targeted at us for being selfish, ungrateful, noobish, mute, undeserving and overly self-conscious. That is quite fun just like being awarded with a double slap when reading news report, readers' comment and bloggers' view. Perhaps it will be better to brainwash myself that I am a total loser. This will be much more appealing than any consolation, prayer or counseling. It is much better to swallow and digest the truth that doing nothing and then empty handed anyway but not the other way round. When every shut eyes conjure the image of mocking words and the replay of a concatenation of lucky events, I am now short of sleep, deprived of rest and devoid of spirit. It's a unorthodox way to ensure that I can perform everything for 24 hours albeit no rest. Defini...

Ultimate failure strikes. The inevitable fact that I am truly left behind. With almost everyone I know follow their own path and control their future, I guess the only loser left is me. Being socially awkward all the time, I am now being compel to fraternize with other strangers who view me as an extraterrestrial life form. Building a whole new relationship is a tough task starting from bowing to them and following their orders. Too tired to speak. Too weary to know. Too exhausted to understand. Solitude is my life thread. When appealing become the only option, it means no choice altogether. Since all the foreign vacancy are taken beforehand, there will only be local offer for me. I might as well take form 6 and repeat the cycle and got rejected again. A-level or any colleges are beyond my parents capabilities or job insurance. The journey of becoming an eternal loser leading a boring life begins now. Having sleepless night everyday, it means taking 8 painkiller a day to have a short...

To me, feast is food, chat, drink and the cycle continues. This week is so full of gatherings, feast and eat-outs resulting in my rounder stomach. My bad habit of overeating is taking its toll on me. Just this week, the toothache-fever-stomachache routine strikes mercilessly for at least three days. Since it's so tiring, I am resort to the natural curing method---------- sweating. No medicine or drugs, I healed miraculously. Jolt of joy. My slumber state is awakened by a kiss of perspiration. Nevertheless, the worst thing of attending merriment is you are hungrier than home eating. When I eat with a specific family, I always have to search for food upon reaching home. Whenever the dish is served, they take the lead and only bones are left after it departs from their seat, literally. Please, they are not some wild people dying for food. This time, I have enough. When history repeats itself, I reached across the food and exclaimed loudly that there was no flesh left. Soon after, they...

Mirror mirror on the wall, whos the foul beast rejected by all? Most expectantly, my image pop up on the dusty glass surface. The first rejection: scholarship. The string of Harap maaf, Dukacita, Sorry, Not Shortlisted and Regretted is disheartening for my weary eyes. Unfavorable replies( in some cases, zero response) speak for my incompetence. Perhaps I am not fit to be the candidate for the deserving competition. The second rejection: sympathy. It's finally dawned on me that I am a cold and inhumane person. I can empatize with anyone if it means knowing exactly what people are currently possessing and their depth. Sadly, I am unable to relate to them or even sympathize with them. Albeit how deeply I am touched, I still think like a separate being. The third rejection: pleasantry. I never sugar-coating or advertising as it just too fake for me. I am frank with everyone speaking my thoughts with no concealment. I am thankful because everyone are frank with me because they can creat...