Phantasm

Ultimate failure strikes. The inevitable fact that I am truly left behind. With almost everyone I know follow their own path and control their future, I guess the only loser left is me. Being socially awkward all the time, I am now being compel to fraternize with other strangers who view me as an extraterrestrial life form. Building a whole new relationship is a tough task starting from bowing to them and following their orders. Too tired to speak. Too weary to know. Too exhausted to understand. Solitude is my life thread. When appealing become the only option, it means no choice altogether. Since all the foreign vacancy are taken beforehand, there will only be local offer for me. I might as well take form 6 and repeat the cycle and got rejected again. A-level or any colleges are beyond my parents capabilities or job insurance. The journey of becoming an eternal loser leading a boring life begins now. Having sleepless night everyday, it means taking 8 painkiller a day to have a short

To me, feast is food, chat, drink and the cycle continues. This week is so full of gatherings, feast and eat-outs resulting in my rounder stomach. My bad habit of overeating is taking its toll on me. Just this week, the toothache-fever-stomachache routine strikes mercilessly for at least three days. Since it's so tiring, I am resort to the natural curing method---------- sweating. No medicine or drugs, I healed miraculously. Jolt of joy. My slumber state is awakened by a kiss of perspiration. Nevertheless, the worst thing of attending merriment is you are hungrier than home eating. When I eat with a specific family, I always have to search for food upon reaching home. Whenever the dish is served, they take the lead and only bones are left after it departs from their seat, literally. Please, they are not some wild people dying for food. This time, I have enough. When history repeats itself, I reached across the food and exclaimed loudly that there was no flesh left. Soon after, they

Mirror mirror on the wall, whos the foul beast rejected by all? Most expectantly, my image pop up on the dusty glass surface. The first rejection: scholarship. The string of Harap maaf, Dukacita, Sorry, Not Shortlisted and Regretted is disheartening for my weary eyes. Unfavorable replies( in some cases, zero response) speak for my incompetence. Perhaps I am not fit to be the candidate for the deserving competition. The second rejection: sympathy. It's finally dawned on me that I am a cold and inhumane person. I can empatize with anyone if it means knowing exactly what people are currently possessing and their depth. Sadly, I am unable to relate to them or even sympathize with them. Albeit how deeply I am touched, I still think like a separate being. The third rejection: pleasantry. I never sugar-coating or advertising as it just too fake for me. I am frank with everyone speaking my thoughts with no concealment. I am thankful because everyone are frank with me because they can creat