The Unchosen One
This is the story of us. The scholarship drop-outs. It has been exhilarating last few days. Imagine being the victim of the tug-of-war between two opposing forces and receive points for the multitude of negative comments targeted at us for being selfish, ungrateful, noobish, mute, undeserving and overly self-conscious. That is quite fun just like being awarded with a double slap when reading news report, readers' comment and bloggers' view.
Perhaps it will be better to brainwash myself that I am a total loser. This will be much more appealing than any consolation, prayer or counseling. It is much better to swallow and digest the truth that doing nothing and then empty handed anyway but not the other way round.
When every shut eyes conjure the image of mocking words and the replay of a concatenation of lucky events, I am now short of sleep, deprived of rest and devoid of spirit. It's a unorthodox way to ensure that I can perform everything for 24 hours albeit no rest. Definitely the best way to cut down on caffeine.
Deep down, I am very ashamed of myself for harboring such an intense emotional tsunami. These feelings should have been cast away because a machine like me have no need of this blessed gift that is reserved for the honorable ones. Somehow, I can now form emphatic links with Sasuke and Pain.
I have long since closed my eyes... My only goal is in the darkness.( Sasuke) Even a foolish child can grow up in a right way, when he learns what pain is. Knowing pain controls ones thoughts and decisions.( Pain)
Though they may sound grandiloquent, but their beacon of truth secure a place at the deepest corner of my mind.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It will change from one form to another. To discharge all the positive energy from the media, I have picked up a morbid interest in incinerating books. At every ungodly hour, I relish my clandestine habit at the backyard. Ripping every page and fed it to the lambent flame tongue is an august enjoyment. Watching all the notes, textbooks, reference books, tuition exercises and self-made mind maps turned to dust strengthen my heart to say goodbye to the outside world and my pathetic dream to study abroad forever.
Everyone say that there will be a chance to go abroad after this but I think even they know that my college doesn't offer twinning or have international recognition. I guess I alone have the honour of being a true-born Malaysian student.
All the revelry has taught me one prudential lesson. I should have been less ambitious. Having dream is for the chosen one. Moderation is the key. Leading a lifestyle that have more play than study is meant for me because the opposite have proven itself to be a fraud. As long as my result is enough, I will cease my track. Striving for the best is not an option because it just lead to nothing at the end of the day.
Perfect song, perfect mood.
When you were standing in the wake of devastation
when you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now
you were there and possibly alone.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up hope, but failure's all you've known
remember all the sadness and frustration
and let it go, let it go.
And in the burst of light that blinded every angel
as if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
you felt the gravity of temper grace falling into empty space
no one there to catch you in their arms
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up hope, but failure's all you've known
remember all the sadness and frustration
and let it go, let it go.
Perhaps it will be better to brainwash myself that I am a total loser. This will be much more appealing than any consolation, prayer or counseling. It is much better to swallow and digest the truth that doing nothing and then empty handed anyway but not the other way round.
When every shut eyes conjure the image of mocking words and the replay of a concatenation of lucky events, I am now short of sleep, deprived of rest and devoid of spirit. It's a unorthodox way to ensure that I can perform everything for 24 hours albeit no rest. Definitely the best way to cut down on caffeine.
Deep down, I am very ashamed of myself for harboring such an intense emotional tsunami. These feelings should have been cast away because a machine like me have no need of this blessed gift that is reserved for the honorable ones. Somehow, I can now form emphatic links with Sasuke and Pain.
I have long since closed my eyes... My only goal is in the darkness.( Sasuke) Even a foolish child can grow up in a right way, when he learns what pain is. Knowing pain controls ones thoughts and decisions.( Pain)
Though they may sound grandiloquent, but their beacon of truth secure a place at the deepest corner of my mind.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It will change from one form to another. To discharge all the positive energy from the media, I have picked up a morbid interest in incinerating books. At every ungodly hour, I relish my clandestine habit at the backyard. Ripping every page and fed it to the lambent flame tongue is an august enjoyment. Watching all the notes, textbooks, reference books, tuition exercises and self-made mind maps turned to dust strengthen my heart to say goodbye to the outside world and my pathetic dream to study abroad forever.
Everyone say that there will be a chance to go abroad after this but I think even they know that my college doesn't offer twinning or have international recognition. I guess I alone have the honour of being a true-born Malaysian student.
All the revelry has taught me one prudential lesson. I should have been less ambitious. Having dream is for the chosen one. Moderation is the key. Leading a lifestyle that have more play than study is meant for me because the opposite have proven itself to be a fraud. As long as my result is enough, I will cease my track. Striving for the best is not an option because it just lead to nothing at the end of the day.
Perfect song, perfect mood.
When you were standing in the wake of devastation
when you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now
you were there and possibly alone.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up hope, but failure's all you've known
remember all the sadness and frustration
and let it go, let it go.
And in the burst of light that blinded every angel
as if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
you felt the gravity of temper grace falling into empty space
no one there to catch you in their arms
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up hope, but failure's all you've known
remember all the sadness and frustration
and let it go, let it go.
Cherishing,
Silent Gazer
Comments
Post a Comment